In my circle of friends and acquaintances, I knew four women who lost a total of five children in the second trimester. I knew of at least two others who are friends of friends. I knew many more who miscarried in the first trimester and at least three (one of whom was my grandmother) who had their baby die within hours or days of being born. Since Ben died I have met or heard from dozens more. Miscarriage, 2nd and 3rd trimester pregnancy loss and infant death are devastatingly more common than anyone knows.
I have been pregnant four times. I have one beautiful daughter. My son, Benjamin, was stillborn at 23 weeks gestation on July 29, 2010 during emergency surgery to save my life. My first and third pregnancies were both first trimester miscarriages.
I remember hearing the stories of loss and feeling fear, hoping it would never be me. It is me. This is now my life, my reality. Here it is, here I am, learning how to live life after Benjamin.