I often talk to Benjamin. Out loud. When I think no one is watching. I talk to him from a place of abundance and joy with my neck craned back, my eyes dazzled by the millions of stars floating over … Continue reading
Reverb10. December 3. Moment. Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail (from Ali Edwards, Memory Keeping Idea Books). The moment that drifted into my consciousness as I read this, the moment … Continue reading
If things had gone according to plan, I would be the mother of a three month old child. Maybe a little sister for my sweet girl who so desperately wants a sibling to hold. If things had gone according to … Continue reading
Like yesterday’s storm, grief rolled in this afternoon, surprising me with its sudden fierceness. Just as quickly, it was gone, the skies cleared, the sun shone. The wind has picked up now and the moon is full. I am being … Continue reading
I had a tough day today. Woke up on the proverbial wrong side of the bed. The worst part is I know it’s all in my head – the suffering anyway. The grief is real but the unhappiness, the frustration, … Continue reading
I realized moments ago, curled up next to an exhausted and teary Ada as she slipped into sleep, that today marks three months. Three months since the doctor looked at me and said, Now. Three months since my parents held … Continue reading
With life as short as a half taken breath, don’t plant anything but love. – Rumi He never took his own breath but our son, he planted love. Thank you, to all of you, for helping it grow.
I spent a half hour on the phone today with one of the two nurses who helped me through my last three hospital visits. One of the two who sent flowers two weeks ago. It was healing to talk with … Continue reading
I haven’t looked at Ben’s pictures in about a month. In preparation for tomorrow, the two month anniversary of his death, I made a copy of one of them. Here it is. Here he is. My son.
Grief deepens you. It allows you to explore the perimeters of your soul. Grief is the only gateway to certain levels of consciousness, and it is a hard taskmaster. Through grief you can explore every aspect of your dark side … Continue reading