Tag Archives: fear

I am

I am exhausted. I am scared. I am in pain. I am breathing. I am practicing trust. I am remembering faith. I am letting go and holding on. I am sending light and love. I am praying. I am shaking. … Continue reading

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Stuff

My mom had hip replacement surgery yesterday. Any time anyone I love has major surgery, it makes me nervous. Fear and I have been such close acquaintances lately.  She’s doing well except she has ridiculously low blood pressure. I’ve chosen … Continue reading

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Choosing Love

Every action taken by human beings is based in love or fear, not simply those dealing with relationships. Decisions affecting business, industry, politics, religion, the education of your young, the social agenda of your nations, the economic goals of your … Continue reading

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Making friends with fear

Each day, we’re given many opportunities to open up or shut down. The most precious opportunity presents itself when we come to the place where we think we can’t handle whatever is happening. It’s too much. It’s gone too far. … Continue reading

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One Month

Benjamin died a month ago today. I am not ready to be bleeding again, but I am. Last night as I was getting ready for bed, I found myself staring at another toilet bowl full of blood. My post-partum bleeding … Continue reading

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Thanking Fear

I have finally stopped bleeding. It’s been six weeks since the last round started. I have mixed feelings about it. There’s relief but also a sadness, knowing that every time I bleed from now on, it will be a reminder … Continue reading

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Grief and Compassion

There is a man in dirty jeans and sweat stained shirt, talking on the phone and holding a stop sign. He is balanced on one leg, his heavy work boot planted firmly in the center of my chest. His name … Continue reading

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I wonder

I’ve been wondering about a few things. I try not to. I can’t go back and change what happened. I can’t bring Benjamin back. So I work to stay in a place of trust that I did all I could. … Continue reading

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Tear Soup

When she heard that Benjamin died, one of the amazing mamas here in Ventura ordered us a book called Tear Soup. It’s a lovely, gentle story about dealing with grief, with some helpful “cooking tips” at the end. Here are … Continue reading

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Random Thoughts, Day 17

Dinner tonight was made and delivered by someone who had never met us. People are amazing and there is so much good in the world. ***** No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear. – C.S. Lewis … Continue reading

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