Tag Archives: ache

Voices

Might we not say to the confused voices which sometime arise from the depths of our being: “Ladies, be so kind as to speak only four at a time.” – Madame Swetchine I have been hearing voices lately, some welcome, … Continue reading

Posted in Growth, In the Now | Tagged , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Stories

At a friend’s house last week I ran into a mama from my pregnancy support circle. Our due dates had been days apart. We recognized each other, but it took some time for us to remember where we had met. … Continue reading

Posted in Growth | Tagged , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Limbo

I’ve been struggling all day. Fighting reality. I’m coming to realize it’s harder to know that changing my thoughts is a choice, ending the suffering is a choice, and being wholly unable to get there. It’s not that I had … Continue reading

Posted in In the Now | Tagged , , , | 5 Comments

Not ready

Lying in the bed, in the middle of the night, I realized I am terrified of getting pregnant. A number of the baby lost mamas who blog and whose babies died in the last year are pregnant again. I am … Continue reading

Posted in In the Now, Looking forward | Tagged , , , , | 2 Comments

A letter of love

I am down with a horrible cold. I can’t remember the last time I was this sick. It makes me feel like no time has passed since my broken leg, my morning sickness, my bed rest, the surgery. I wonder … Continue reading

Posted in Looking forward | Tagged , , , , | 3 Comments

23 weeks

I’ve been in a funk the past few days. I keep wondering why I’m feeling this way when it’s a new year and I was excited about the pages on the calendar turning, bringing a new energy, bringing in ease. … Continue reading

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It’s still Christmas

We talked about taking the Christmas tree down. The very thought brings me to tears. Taking the ornaments off, putting them away – it’s as though in doing so I will say goodbye to my son in a new way. … Continue reading

Posted in Looking back | Tagged | 5 Comments

Truths

The grief has been coming in waves and I find myself out of practice when it comes to asking for what I need. It’s a new skill and is easily lost in the midst of preschooler unpacking the house holiday … Continue reading

Posted in #reverb10 | Tagged , , , | 11 Comments

Sky lanterns

The sky lanterns I ordered came today. I wanted something to do on Ben’s due date. Something beautiful to send out into the world to help commemorate and celebrate his life. The lovely, talented and heartbroken Vera Kate posted this … Continue reading

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Simply sad

I am a mess of feelings today. Tears in  yoga for the second week in a row. My body betrays me again and again. Awkward conversations with pregnant women and new parents. Tears on the street talking with friends. After … Continue reading

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