Monthly Archives: February 2011

Little gratitudes

Every night as I drift into sleep, I spend time with my gratitude. Tonight I thought I would share some here. Despite my writing about grief, my life is good. I have the luxury of these thoughts. My basic needs … Continue reading

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Limbo

I’ve been struggling all day. Fighting reality. I’m coming to realize it’s harder to know that changing my thoughts is a choice, ending the suffering is a choice, and being wholly unable to get there. It’s not that I had … Continue reading

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Leaping

My mind is spinning. It is keeping me up at night, whirling its way into my meditations, forcing me out of the present moment. I am about to step off the edge of a cliff – again.  Similar leaps have … Continue reading

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The Hope

When the inner joy Mother Teresa spoke of, the joy of compassionate service, is married to a practical and pragmatic drive to transform all existing economic, social, and political institutions, a radical and potentially all-transforming holy force is born. This … Continue reading

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The Work

Have you ever had a thought that isn’t about you? – Byron Katie There are times when all I can do is laugh at the perfection of life. Thursday morning an innocently sent text had me reeling backward through a … Continue reading

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One step closer

One of the most important things Ben’s death has done for me is allow me to peel away layers of old habits and thought patterns, and feel as though I’ve been given another chance to step into myself. I realize … Continue reading

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Flow

My word for 2011 is ease. Not easy, as in I want life to be simple, trouble-free, all bubble gum and champagne. Ease. Where I stand firmly in the center of who I am and it feels right, it feels … Continue reading

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Legoland

We spent yesterday and today at Legoland. On the drive down, I kept flashing back to our first visit, at the tail end of my four weeks of first trimester bleeding. Steve had work in San Diego so Ada and … Continue reading

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Fish hooks

I can see them in my  mind’s eye – the glint of silver, light flashing off their smooth lines, deadly barbs curving innocently back on themselves. They’ve been in me so long, I barely notice their presence. But I know … Continue reading

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Release

I’ve had a pain in my chest the last few days. I figured it was the coffee. I get scary heart palpitations from too much caffeine (too much being more than a cup a day). I saw a cardiologist years … Continue reading

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