Monthly Archives: January 2011

I feel a shift

In my meditations recently I’ve been caught up in frustration. Old, unwanted thoughts and feelings have been surfacing and dragging me back underwater. I’ve been unhappy during the day without understanding why. Three steps forward. Two steps back. Last night … Continue reading

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Love letter

Dearest Ben, Today marks six months from the moment you were taken out of my body, completely still, your heart no longer beating alongside mine. I am halfway through the first year without you. I am not sure how to … Continue reading

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This life

Today at the park: moms with little ones and swelling bellies brand new baby with much bigger brother little girl – maybe 7 or 8 – unable to walk, teeth clacking together, the sweetest smile families of all shapes and … Continue reading

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Not ready

Lying in the bed, in the middle of the night, I realized I am terrified of getting pregnant. A number of the baby lost mamas who blog and whose babies died in the last year are pregnant again. I am … Continue reading

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Sometimes

Sometimes there are no words other than I miss our son.

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Better at some than others

I am clearly better at some things than others. This comes as no surprise. It’s not headline making news. Sometimes, though, I end up feeling horrible because of one of the things I’m not so good at. Way back in … Continue reading

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January thoughts

I am meeting another baby lost mama (BLM) next week for coffee. She’s not quite two months out from her son’s death. Full term baby. No problems. Gone. I wish I could remember which BLM blogged about dead baby math … Continue reading

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A letter of love

I am down with a horrible cold. I can’t remember the last time I was this sick. It makes me feel like no time has passed since my broken leg, my morning sickness, my bed rest, the surgery. I wonder … Continue reading

Posted in Looking forward | Tagged , , , , | 3 Comments

Sadness and celebration

Sitting in my daughter’s room with her this afternoon, looking at her bookshelf, I noticed my copy of Tear Soup. I lay it on my lap and reread it while she played, then we looked at the pictures together as … Continue reading

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The warming sun

Saturday afternoon we decided to put out an invitation to some of our local friends for today – beach time and a potluck at our place. The weather has been gorgeous and though we’re not 100% settled, the house is … Continue reading

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