All I could do was cry

I am struggling today. Maybe because it’s Thursday (I would have been 34 weeks. It’s been 11 weeks since he died), or because tomorrow is October 15th – National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day, or because on days when I’m ravenous, exhausted and alone, parenting and grief are savage bedfellows.

Lying next to Ada as she fell asleep, all I wanted to do was get up and eat chocolate. I went to meditate instead, but all I could do was cry.

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5 Responses to All I could do was cry

  1. Jessica says:

    ❤ (((h ugs))) to you Alana ❤

  2. Dian Reid says:

    I recently read an advance copy of a book a friend of mine wrote, Lifetime of Tuesdays. A woman relives her past every Tuesday because that’s the day “it” happened. I imagine you were crying for all those reasons. I imagine you were crying for your loss. I imagine you were crying for the grief of it all, as only a mother who’s lost her son at 23 weeks can cry. I imagine there are reasons beyond all reason you were crying. But what do I know, I’m not you. I can’t imagine what you’re going through, and still I am grateful for you, in all your process. Hugs and Love and Light to you, my friend.

  3. Sonja says:

    I want you to know that I’m lighting a candle for Benjamin today. You’re on my mind.

  4. wait. you mean eating chocolate is NOT meditation???

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