Monthly Archives: October 2010

Breathing deeply

We spent time today with friends whose son died two years ago October at 28 weeks. I don’t think we had seen them since. I sent flowers and then didn’t know what to say, even though I thought of them … Continue reading

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Take two

For the last hour I’ve been writing about this caterpillar that we stuck in a container a couple of weeks ago and how today it flew away as a pale yellow butterfly. And it was all a bunch of blah … Continue reading

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Three months

I realized moments ago, curled up next to an exhausted and teary Ada as she slipped into sleep, that today marks three months. Three months since the doctor looked at me and said, Now. Three months since my parents held … Continue reading

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Healing wounds

Today another shift. Another letting go. This afternoon I gave away some of my favorites of Ada’s baby clothes. I will be selling some, giving away most of the rest and keeping a few for a legacy blanket (thanks to … Continue reading

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Another baby boy

I heard this morning that my friend had the VBAC she wanted and delivered a beautiful healthy baby boy – her second. When I got the text, I felt only great joy for her. The grief hit me later, after … Continue reading

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Brilliance

There are those who shimmer, like a fresh-cut diamond, casting sparks of rainbow light on others’ hearts as they pass. I have an abundance of these gems in my life – some new friends, some old, some I’ve only met … Continue reading

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Time Away

My time away was… Too long. Not long enough. Exactly what I needed. Nothing like I wanted. Joyful. Annoying. Perfect. The Sunday morning service at the sanctuary was sweet. There were maybe 30 people, the musicians were a little off … Continue reading

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When will we die?

Mama, when did baby Benjamin die? He died July 29, so almost three months ago. Mama, when will we die? We don’t know sweetheart. Hopefully we will all live long, happy lives. Long – for a 3 year old – … Continue reading

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Touching life

I am feeling grateful tonight. Steve is home, there is money in the bank, and work on the horizon. I have beautiful friends, supportive family, and a small army of warriors of the heart helping me walk this path. I … Continue reading

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Dancing with Fear

A wise woman reminded me today that Ada witnessing my process is part of her journey and I can stop feeling guilty about it. Of course Abraham would say feeling guilty is better than feeling fear. I don’t want either … Continue reading

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