Monthly Archives: September 2010

Two Months

I was gifted yesterday with so many things – intense fear and the ability to remember to open my heart to love in the midst of it, overwhelming grief and the knowledge that this is exactly the path I need … Continue reading

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My son

I haven’t looked at Ben’s pictures in about a month. In preparation for tomorrow, the two month anniversary of his death, I made a copy of one of them. Here it is. Here he is. My son.

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Thoughts of the day

Tonight I choose to remember that grief happens because we love deeply, and love is always worth whatever travels in its path. ***** I am working with a chiropractor who uses applied kinesiology. I first saw him the day I … Continue reading

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A Conversation with Grief

Hey grief. I haven’t had much time for you today and you’ve been pissed, I can tell, so I thought a conversation might do us good. I’m not angry, I’m simply present and you already know that ignoring me doesn’t … Continue reading

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Now

Sitting on the floor, hugging a pillow, crying. So much to say. Nothing to say. This just is.

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Divine Intervention

Struggling with epic exhaustion and frustration tonight, I stepped away from convincing my very dirty, strong willed 3 year old that a bath was a good idea and wandered to the book shelf in search of direction. Heading toward Conversations … Continue reading

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A Shift

I am sensing a subtle shift in the way the world works, and the way I exist within it. I could use the word manifesting. I’ve probably overused the word as though uttering it would speed the process. Now that … Continue reading

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Today

Today I go to bed grateful for… the beautiful bright light who chose me to be her mama – her smiles, her hugs, the sound of her laughter, her growth, the way her brain works, her love the kindness of … Continue reading

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On my own

Today was my first full 24 hours on my own with Ada since Ben died. I am exhausted and heartbroken. The day went well, all things considered. I was a little less patient than I would have liked, my pizza … Continue reading

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Gifts and Surprises

I went to Barnes & Noble today to pick up a new cookbook. The woman at the register was the one who had exchanged a book for me just before Benjamin died. I’d bought a gift for a friend and … Continue reading

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