Tag Archives: Loss

11 months

Posted on June 30, 2011 by

Yesterday was 11 months from the date of Ben’s death. Most of the day felt like any other in this new life. I had a moment in the morning where I looked at the clock on the microwave and flashed … Continue reading →

Posted in Growth, In the Now | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 12 Comments

Thoughts from the shower

Posted on May 18, 2011 by

I am exhausted. I am finally taking everything I’ve been and done in my life, and tying it into one cohesive whole. I am moving toward a future that involves me contributing to the world in a bigger way. I … Continue reading →

Posted in Growth, In the Now | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

I remember

Posted on May 11, 2011 by

Last weekend a few wonderful writers (Lindsey, Denise & Lisa to name three) whose blogs I love attended a magical retreat on memoir writing by the oh-so-talented Dani Shapiro. One of the exercises they were given, inspired by Joe Brainerd’s … Continue reading →

Posted in Looking back | Tagged , , , , , , | 11 Comments

Little gifts

Posted on April 25, 2011 by

Yesterday morning Ada woke up and with delight in her eyes, wished us a happy Easter. Then she paused. I’m going to wish Happy Easter to our angel. Do you want to wish Happy Easter to our angel? Steve and … Continue reading →

Posted in In the Now | Tagged , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Words from the future

Posted on April 14, 2011 by

When I was entering my second trimester with Ben, at the tail end of a month of bleeding, I sat with a colleague of my husband’s who, a decade previously, had lost two babies at 5 months gestation. Two. A … Continue reading →

Posted in Guest Post | Tagged , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

Mother’s Day for the baby lost

Posted on April 3, 2011 by

The fact that Mother’s Day is coming hadn’t yet crossed my mind. I was three months pregnant last year in the middle of May, fresh from a trip to the Emergency Room in Berkeley, reassured at least somewhat that my … Continue reading →

Posted in Looking forward | Tagged , , | 1 Comment

8 months

Posted on March 30, 2011 by

Last night I found myself putting Ada to sleep in the same bed we were in the night my pregnancy ended. As I lay there, images of that night washing over and through me, I realized it was March 29. … Continue reading →

Posted in Looking back | Tagged , , , , | 7 Comments

Early Days

Posted on March 26, 2011 by

The grief is pouring out of me like early days. I don’t sleep well. I wake up tired, spent. I am unhappy, uncomfortable, as though I am the princess and there is a pea hidden under my skin. My patience … Continue reading →

Posted in In the Now | Tagged , , , , , | 7 Comments

Legoland

Posted on February 14, 2011 by

We spent yesterday and today at Legoland. On the drive down, I kept flashing back to our first visit, at the tail end of my four weeks of first trimester bleeding. Steve had work in San Diego so Ada and … Continue reading →

Posted in In the Now | Tagged , , , | 4 Comments

Love letter

Posted on January 29, 2011 by

Dearest Ben, Today marks six months from the moment you were taken out of my body, completely still, your heart no longer beating alongside mine. I am halfway through the first year without you. I am not sure how to … Continue reading →

Posted in In the Now | Tagged , , , , , | 10 Comments