Monthly Archives: January 2011

I feel a shift

Posted on January 31, 2011 by

In my meditations recently I’ve been caught up in frustration. Old, unwanted thoughts and feelings have been surfacing and dragging me back underwater. I’ve been unhappy during the day without understanding why. Three steps forward. Two steps back. Last night … Continue reading →

Posted in Growth, In the Now | Tagged , , , , | 3 Comments

Love letter

Posted on January 29, 2011 by

Dearest Ben, Today marks six months from the moment you were taken out of my body, completely still, your heart no longer beating alongside mine. I am halfway through the first year without you. I am not sure how to … Continue reading →

Posted in In the Now | Tagged , , , , , | 10 Comments

This life

Posted on January 28, 2011 by

Today at the park: moms with little ones and swelling bellies brand new baby with much bigger brother little girl – maybe 7 or 8 – unable to walk, teeth clacking together, the sweetest smile families of all shapes and … Continue reading →

Posted in In the Now | Tagged , , | 2 Comments

Not ready

Posted on January 27, 2011 by

Lying in the bed, in the middle of the night, I realized I am terrified of getting pregnant. A number of the baby lost mamas who blog and whose babies died in the last year are pregnant again. I am … Continue reading →

Posted in In the Now, Looking forward | Tagged , , , , | 2 Comments

Sometimes

Posted on January 25, 2011 by

Sometimes there are no words other than I miss our son.

Posted in In the Now | Tagged , , | 2 Comments

Better at some than others

Posted on January 24, 2011 by

I am clearly better at some things than others. This comes as no surprise. It’s not headline making news. Sometimes, though, I end up feeling horrible because of one of the things I’m not so good at. Way back in … Continue reading →

Posted in In the Now, Looking back | Tagged , , | 5 Comments

January thoughts

Posted on January 22, 2011 by

I am meeting another baby lost mama (BLM) next week for coffee. She’s not quite two months out from her son’s death. Full term baby. No problems. Gone. I wish I could remember which BLM blogged about dead baby math … Continue reading →

Posted in In the Now | Tagged , , , , | 9 Comments

A letter of love

Posted on January 21, 2011 by

I am down with a horrible cold. I can’t remember the last time I was this sick. It makes me feel like no time has passed since my broken leg, my morning sickness, my bed rest, the surgery. I wonder … Continue reading →

Posted in Looking forward | Tagged , , , , | 3 Comments

Sadness and celebration

Posted on January 19, 2011 by

Sitting in my daughter’s room with her this afternoon, looking at her bookshelf, I noticed my copy of Tear Soup. I lay it on my lap and reread it while she played, then we looked at the pictures together as … Continue reading →

Posted in In the Now, Looking back | Tagged , , , , , , | 8 Comments

The warming sun

Posted on January 17, 2011 by

Saturday afternoon we decided to put out an invitation to some of our local friends for today – beach time and a potluck at our place. The weather has been gorgeous and though we’re not 100% settled, the house is … Continue reading →

Posted in Growth, In the Now | Tagged , , , , | 5 Comments